Warming, Schmarming

     Could someone please tell the weather gods it’s November already. I wasn’t always a big believer in global warming, but I can’t deny the signs any longer.

     The most obvious sign that the seasons are changing is the fact that the seasons seem to have stopped changing. The Northeast has been in a strange weather patten for quite some time. We no longer have four seasons – we have two: summer and winter.

     For whatever reason, man-made greenhouse gasses or Mother Nature’s millennium make-over, even I can detect a change in our weather patterns (and I’m no scientist, just ask Mr. DeAcetis my seventh grade science teacher who gave me my first and only warning card that tarnished my childhood memories to this day). Winter now begins in January. Spring is non-existent. It doesn’t really warm up until mid-June. Summer starts on July Fourth, and if current trends continue, the weather will stay warm until the end of December.

     October, once my favorite fall month, has become an extension of August. October was the month to break out your heavy cable-knit sweaters to ward off the coming November chill. Scarves became a necessity instead of a fashion statement. Gloves were essential on frosty mornings as I rummaged through my car to find my ice-scraper to clear my windshield.

     This October, my air-conditioners were still running beyond Columbus Day weekend. At night, all the windows in the house are open searching for any breeze that might cool things down. I might have to hang my holiday lights around my window fans. I’m afraid to exile them to the attic for fear of a December heatwave.

     In the words of Bob Dylan, “You don’t have to be a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows.” Just look out the window. Driving through the square I noticed people still wearing t-shirts and shorts. And the few who have donned their fall apparel look ridiculously out of place. Puff jackets and corduroys have been replaced with cargo shorts and flip-flops. Keep an eye on those clearance racks at Marshalls. I predict major savings on winter clothes coming our way.

     It’s not just people who are confused. The animal kingdom must be perplexed by the crazy weather as well. They have plenty of extra time to store up food for winter. Maybe when daylight saving time ends it will seem more like Fall. Darkness at 4pm is a sure sign of changes on the horizon.

     Where is the foliage this year? I’m not sure what caused the black fungus disease on all the maple trees. Instead of leaves changing colors, the brilliant reds and golds were replaced with splotchy blackness causing the leaves to begin falling at the end of July. The trees not affected still seem to be green. My trip to northern New Hampshire in mid-October was disappointing. because of the noticeable absence of vibrant foliage. When I returned to Stoneham, it looked like summer was in full swing instead of waning.

     Speaking of waning, what’s up with all the hurricane activity barreling through the Caribbean and heading our way? There’s no let up in sight. We’re running out of names in the alphabet. This stormy season we might be saying goodbye hurricane Zelda, hello hurricane Aaron. Suddenly it’s the norm for rainstorms to extend from Florida to Maine. And by rainstorms I mean wind-driven torrential downpours out of the blue (well, not really blue, more like dark and stormy gray).

     There are some positive aspects to global warming. I’m still wearing Hawaiian shirts on Casual Friday. My furnace hasn’t clicked on yet, saving me hundreds of dollars in fuel costs. I understand future generations might be adversely affected if current weather trends continue. Sorry kids, but I’m not convinced this is a sign of the apocalypse. I’m going to enjoy the climate change as long as it works to my advantage. Mother Nature, you’re the best!

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